Some Days

are dark days.

i went to work out today, realized i hadn't shaved my armpits in long enough for peeps to notice.  that was darkly embarrassing.

seriously.

you think you're going to get through a divorce and start moving on and put the pieces back together.  and you know what, you're wrong. so wrong.


my divorce is into it's second month of finality.  i've kinda been dating a nice guy.  i've even been to disneyland (cue announcer--shelly, you're divorce is f to the inal what are ya going to do now...shelly yells "I'm going to Disneyland!'  ahhhhhhh I wish)


but there are moments.  actually there are a lot of moments.  when you're lonely.  when you wonder if you did the right thing considering the marriage was so short.  when you crave adult conversation and question yourself for leaning heavily on your teenager to help you be an effective person and parent.  when you crave adult interaction (especially when you don't work a regular job, so there aren't normal co-workers). or you crave other adult activities.

today's moment goes like this. 

 I check the mail (which is something I don't have the skill set to check daily--lamesauce I know).  there is no child support check.  I wonder why?  since I'm new to this whole thing I think perhaps it only gets sent to you once a month?  I dunno.  ahhhhhh the interwebz and I are such good friends...I do some research make some phone calls...turns out no payments to me have been made (besides the first one).  The previous payment didn't come from the employer (state requirement) it came from the ex factor personally...that doesn't make any sense?  You see, he told me he talked to HR about sending the whole check to me so he wouldn't get behind.  Turns out he didn't talk to HR, he didn't have the chance because he's been suspended.  he tells me this suspension is only a 'temp' thing--hahaha--it's been 'temp' for the last 2 weeks...um, yah...sounds like termination to me.  a big fat firing.  oh dear blog, dear dear blank sheet.  even you are laughing at me, because you know he was also fired from his last two jobs and was unemployed for 18months after the second firing...you harbor so many of my dirty little secrets


oh that whole paragraph kills me,  and we're not just talking death by grammatical error here peeps.  oh my foolishness doesn't just end there...oh no it actually goes further, but that is a post for another day.  as real life is calling.  putting on a face that has nothing to do with this moment for the children that I am lucky to mother and be distracted by...


Lesson Learned: Trust No One.  Especially no one called the ex-factor